As you read this article, can you hear your coworker yammering on in the background? (Or maybe the foreground?) Did you just pop your headphones on, in a passive-aggressive gesture meant to convey that you have work to do and can’t talk right now? Some coworkers regularly subject us to long, largely pointless conversations. They don’t usually know how annoying that can be, and office etiquette doesn’t always leave room to tell those colleagues point-blank to just please shut up thank you very much!
So what can you do to avoid unending discussions that suck up your time along with the remaining shreds of your sanity? The answer depends a bit on who you’re dealing with. Here’s your field guide to some of the chatterboxes in your office and how to handle them.
1. THE OBLIVIOUS SOCIALIZER
One species of chatty coworker starts a normal conversation on a critical work topic that demands your attention. Once you’ve completed your business, though, they just keep on talking. Occasionally these conversations might be nice, but not on days when you’re pressed for time. Maybe you try various efforts to end the conversation indirectly: checking your watch, glancing at your work, edging away from the conversation. None of these strategies help, though, because your coworker is either unable or unwilling to pay attention to the normal social cues that the conversation is winding down.
People like this need a more direct signal, even if it makes you uncomfortable to provide it. After all, if they never pay attention to what you’re doing, you can’t convey to them that you need to get back to your work. In situations like this, it’s fine to just apologize and break off the conversation: “Great talking with you, Gene–listen, I’m sorry, but I’ve got to take a stab at this write-up before our 3 p.m. team meeting. Catch you then, though!”
One thing to bear in mind is that folks who don’t catch onto social cues may already realize that they tend to prolong conversations but just can’t stop themselves from doing it. So you might not hurt their feelings simply by stating your own needs explicitly–they’ll get it.
2. THE CHRONIC VENTER
Some people live in a perpetual state of crisis, or feel as though the world is constantly dumping on them. No minor annoyance is too small that it can’t be blown up into a significant problem that signals the downfall of the entire organization. And they will go on about these issues at length.
These people are looking for allies and validation. Their complaints are meant to create solidarity with other disaffected people and earn the sympathy of anybody else who’s suffered mistreatment in the office. Because validation is the oxygen of the chronic venter, you have to cut off their supply. Meet their complaints with cheerful statements about how much you enjoy your work or how you’ve had great interactions in the past with the person they’re complaining about.
By being relentlessly upbeat, the fact that you’re disagreeing with everything they’re saying isn’t likely to cause friction. Instead, you’ll just take all the reward out of their complaining, leading them to seek other prey.